I’m sitting on my therapist’s sofa, physically and emotionally distressed. “I need to try something different,” I told her. In the year we had been working together, she had never seen me this upset. But this time felt different. This time was different. My wife and I had another fight about my drinking and my detachment. I thought it was the breaking point in my life. And our marriage.
That was the moment my life changed.
This post is a bit difficult to write. I am forced to reflect on my life in ways I haven’t before and publicly share some behaviors of which I am ashamed. I am not someone who “puts myself out there.” I am not, by nature, vulnerable. But as Brené Brown, the ACPA14 closing speaker and champion of daring greatly, tells us:
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection (p. 2).
Perhaps this post represents the first step on my journey of engaging with my depression and accepting who I really am. (Read the full article here.)