Changing the Narrative: How do we tell our story?

Early in my career I was surprised when colleagues and friends would say to me “I would hate to have your job” or “It must be awful having students fear interacting with you” or “Why would you want that job?” I’ve grown to understand that they only see the challenging aspects of our work. Yes, at times we have to make very difficult decisions that impact students’ lives – and not always in a positive way. But we have to make these decisions looking out for the best interest of all parties involved as well as our campus community. In reality, we play a critical role in the personal development of our students as well as the development of safe, civil, and respectful community.

We all have our “war stories” of outrageous incidents on our campuses and difficult cases we have handled and often share these stories with our colleagues and friends - redacting names and identifiable information, of course. We do this for a variety of reasons: to make conversation; to entertain others; to seek validation, amongst other reasons. But I wonder if only sharing the most egregious and outrageous cases perpetuates the stereotypes of our job as an undesirable one. It has led me to start sharing different stories with friends and colleagues. The stories of students we were able to impact; students we were able to take a chance on and help them succeed; students who were struggling and truly needed help. One of the students I share stories about is Patrick (not his real name).

Patrick was a first year student from the Midwest. We first met when he had been documented in an incident report for a pretty serious violation of our drug policy. As the evidence was substantial and Patrick was at risk for being suspended from housing, his case was referred to my office. Patrick came into the meeting and started acting defensively and trying to deflect responsibility, before I could even explain who I was and what my office does at the university. I did my best to try and build rapport with Patrick, and help him feel comfortable speaking with me. I explained my role and expressed to Patrick that this did not need to be an adversarial meeting. I told him that I was concerned about the report I received and wanted to learn more from him about this matter. Over time, Patrick grew increasingly more comfortable and began to share his story with me. He explained that he had been regularly using marijuana since he was in high school and that it is an important part of his life now. He told me about how he had started using “harder” substances after meeting some people at a party early in the fall semester. Upon further investigation, I learned that Patrick was struggling academically and socially, and the only friends he had made were ones who he met through doing drugs. Over the course of our meeting I explained to Patrick the serious nature of the incident we were discussing and that based on this matter, as well as his past student conduct history, that a suspension from housing was a likely outcome. This news was obviously troubling to hear and Patrick began to cry. He was afraid of what his parents and family would say and how others would judge him based on this outcome. He was concerned about how this might impact his ability to continue at our university as he could not simply commute from home. Through this I kept talking to Patrick and asked him more about his drug use and helped him make connections between his use of illegal substances, and some of the academic and social challenges he has faced. I expressed to Patrick that I was concerned for his well-being and wanted to see him succeed, but that I was fearful that he would not be able to do so if he continued making the same choices. Patrick agreed and asked for help. I connected Patrick with our Counseling Center and had a follow-up meeting with him the next day to discuss the idea of taking a leave of absence. The leave would allow him time to focus on making different choices in his life and reenter our university when he feels better prepared and in a better state of mind. I spoke with Patrick’s mother and reassured her of Patrick’s plan, as she was concerned of what this would mean for his standing at our university and for his future. I let them both know that his suspension from housing would run concurrently, and that should he fulfill the conditions to be readmitted to housing that he could reenter at the same time his leave of absence ended. They were both happy to hear that information and Patrick took a leave of absence.

Seven months later, I received a voicemail from Patrick. We were approaching the start of a new semester and Patrick was eligible to return from his leave. I called Patrick back, assuming that he wanted to discuss being readmitted to housing. Patrick started by telling me how he had been sober for 6 months and thanked me for really listening to him and helping him recognize that he had a problem. He thanked me for explaining the leave of absence process and helping connect him with other offices at the university to make that happen. Patrick further explained that his time off had been so transformative that he planned on continuing his leave of absence for another semester in order to continue treatment and ensure that he would be fully prepared to come back and succeed. While he did not need anything from me at that point, Patrick was grateful and wanted to update me on his status and thank me. I was so happy to hear all of this and to be reminded of why our work is so important. Patrick eventually did return to school and is doing very well.

We all have stories like this one. We all have had students, like Patrick, who we were able to impact. I would guess that we have more stories like this one than the outrageous stories we default to when talking about our work. While I know I will still share some of the more outrageous stories in conversation with friends and colleagues, I will also share stories like this one. Stories like this one show that we are more about student and community development than we are often given credit for. These stories show our passion and desire to help students and focus on why we do this work. So, in the future, when you are asked about your job. How will you tell our story?

Adam Fertmann is the Assistant Director of the Office of Community Standards and Compliance at New York University (NYU). Prior to his current position at NYU, Adam worked in residence life and student conduct at Bentley University, Iona College, and Columbia University. He holds a bachelor of science in music education and a master of arts in higher education and student affairs, both from NYU.