Building Each Other Up

Building each other up

I sit and wonder why women have gotten the bad rap of being overly critical of each other. However, if you turn on most reality TV shows for more than a few minutes, the answer is staring right back at you. I can’t turn on the television without seeing show after show of women tearing each other down and treating each other in ways that are disrespectful, rude, and embarrassing.

Why is it that, generally speaking, women gossip about each other more than we share our accomplishments? Why do we tear each other down more than build each other up? Why do we criticize more than we compliment?

I’m as guilty as anyone else of doing this! I’ve made a comments about what someone was wearing or the way they spoke up in a meeting. I’m not proud of it, but I have done it. The more I reflect on my past actions, the more I realize I was doing that out of insecurities I had of myself rather than a reflection of who the woman was. It was easy to fault her for when it was really about ways I felt I didn’t measure up.  

About a year ago I made an intentional decision to find ways to have positive relationships with women, particularly surrounding my career. Up to that point, most of my mentors were men. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I wanted women in my corner as well. I wanted to be different, so I did things differently. I brainstormed a few women that I wanted to serve as formal mentors and reached out to them. Each of them graciously accepted my invitation and have transformed my view of what it means to build each other up. All three of these women are extremely different and offer me unique perspectives and insights. Only one is at my institution and the other two are at different schools, which I find an asset. Because these three women have invested in me, encouraged me, challenged me, and stood by me, I am empowered to model that for other women.

One of that ways I’ve done that is helping to organize a small woman’s group. Right now, there are four of us who are committing to meeting once a month this year to read through a book together and talk, encourage, and help each other out. Two of us were talking about how it can be hard finding other women who can handle our strong personalities and want to see us succeed. We decided if we hadn’t found a group yet that we could create it and did! Our first meeting is later this month and I’m excited to take this journey with these women and learn what I know they’ll have to offer.

As I wrap up, I want to offer some tangible ways we can all begin building each other up as women. I charge each of you reading this (and myself) to do these things:

• Think about a woman you can encourage this week, whether through an email, quick text message, social media or hand written card. Think about who needs to hear that who they are and what they have to offer matters and let them know! 

• Reflect on a woman (or many) that you look up to and want to be more intentional about learning from. Reach out to that person and ask to connect! I’ve learned that people are more than willing to engage with us and help us out. Sometimes they’re just waiting to be asked.

• Listen to the story of a woman and really hear her. Instead of jumping to conclusions about who she is ask her and allow her answers to build your impression of her not what you’ve constructed in your mind.

• Ponder how you can live 2015 in a way that builds women up. What does that look like in your circle of influence or at your institution? How can you commit to being a woman that is dedicated to uplifting other women?

Although these may seem small, they can begin to change the way we interact as women. Each of us taking smalls steps can create a new narrative of what it means to be a woman and how we treat each other. If we want things to be different we have to be part of making that happen. Are you willing to build other women up? Will you join me in making 2015 a year of empowering and encouraging women? I know I’m committing to this and hope you will as well!

Mika Karikari

Assistant Director of New Student Programs

Miami University

Johns263@miamioh.edu

@MikaKarikari