Challenging Independence

Growing up, my parents often told me they wanted me to be independent (happy and successful too). Their brand of independence highlighted a college education, financial security, job fulfillment, and the ability to care for myself without relying on a man. While their take on feminism is problematic, it is not unheard of. Some people hear the word “feminism” and worry that men will be exiled or unnecessary; while I do not think that is what my parents meant, it demonstrates the power of rhetoric. I struggled to establish my own understanding of independence within this framework. I used to work towards independence with an “I-can-do-it-all-by-myself” approach to life, because that is what independence is, right? Freedom from the influence or control of others? I believed I could be successful and happy because of my own independence, but this was not the case. The problem was that I strove for independence rather than interdependence. I believe that developing as a strong, feminist woman is essentially a process of ally development.

My early understandings of what it meant to be an independent woman were rooted in self-interest. Sure, I identified as a woman, but I cared about women’s issues so much as they affected me – I had little recognition of the privileges I have as a white, middle class, heterosexual woman. My brand of independence was self- interested because caring about women’s rights benefitted me. Now, as a graduate student in student affairs, I believe my attempts at making meaning of my identities have allowed me to develop more as an ally for social justice rather than self-interest (Edwards, 2006).  In my own exploration of what it means to be a woman, I realized that part of the problem was my rhetoric. My success and happiness did not depend on my independence, but rather my interdependence; and my development as a feminist woman shifted when I changed my rhetoric.  I view interdependence as an essential part of ally development, the realization and practice of accepting and nurturing relationships with others to support mutual success and well-being.   

Working and learning in student affairs has helped me value interdependence as a tool to both survive and thrive. Student affairs is a unique field, because much of what we do focuses on our own individual development as a practice to benefit both ourselves and those we serve. For me, becoming part of a graduate school cohort demonstrated the importance of practicing and role modeling interdependence.  Initially, I think I shied away from interdependence because it seemed like a form of emotional dependence and I associated overly emotional things as being weak – and in a sense feminine. However, I have gradually realized that my own happiness and success are a result of my environment and support system rather than simply my own self-reliance and determination. My graduate school cohort helped me live interdependently, or at least try to.

It was not until graduate school that I understood that others’ success and happiness did not diminish my own. Belonging to a cohort is unlike any other team I have been a part of; our community’s well-being is a product of the collective success of every individual. As a community, we are all better able to support one another and establish meaningful relationships when we, as individuals, have the necessary support. We do not thrive as a group when only a select few individuals succeed.  This realization helped me make new meaning of my desire for independence.  Our desire for excellence is not rooted in trying to outdo one another but to challenge us all to be better. We are some of each other’s best allies.

My cohort’s efforts at balancing personal and communal success have helped me reflect on my views about interdependence and ally development. Graduate school has reinforced my belief that oppression hurts both those with and without power, a notion that informs my understanding of both ally and social justice development. Ally development and interdependence are inherently linked. There is nothing weak or dependent about interdependence. Interdependence allows us to learn from, love, and support one another – across identities and experiences. It is not just about my solidarity and support of women, but my connection to others. I now see interdependence as a form of leadership.  

The ability to effectively understand yourself and work with others is the foundation for strong leadership, especially in relational leadership models like the Social Change Model (Komives & Wager, 2012). Leadership for social change, much like ally development, is a process of self-exploration and interpersonal collaboration. While leadership for social change looks different for everybody, we can all play a role in strengthening our communities by role modeling interdependence and ally development. Interdependence is not just about gender equality, but also about the realization that the oppression of others affects all of us. As student affairs professionals, we are one another’s best allies.

I have written this blog as a commitment to my development as an ally and feminist. I value my position as an educator, mentor, and role model and plan continually strive for congruence in these roles. Reflecting and working on my own ally development is essential for supporting others’ leadership and ally development. We have the ability to empower one another and our students through our combined strengths. Independence is solitary and single minded and our work exists in the linkages between people. Our environments and identities inherently shape our perceptions and professional philosophies and I am challenging my perception of independence. We carry our identities and meaning making filters with us and they constantly influence our work and brands of feminism. As I move forward through graduate school, my professional career, and development as a woman (among many other things), I will strive to be an interdependent, rather than independent, woman, role model, feminist, leader, and ally.

Lauren Irwin
Michigan State University
Assistant Community Director, Residence Education and Housing Services
lauren.irwin22@gmail.com
@Lauren_Irwin22

References

Edwards, K. E. (2006). Aspiring social justice ally identity development: A conceptual model. NASPA Journal, 43(4).

Komives, S. R., & Wagner, W. (2012). Leadership for a better world: Understanding the social change model of leadership development. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.