Confidence

Confidence

Sylvia Hewlett, in her book Executive Presence, talks about the fine line women and people of color have to walk in the workplace. We have such pressure to be “just right” in order to earn the same level of respect as our white male counter parts. Too hot or too cold and it’s all over!

For a long time I have listened to people describe my female peers as lacking confidence. "She is a hard worker but lacks self-confidence" or "If only she had more self-confidence". Well, be careful what you ask for because she displays more confidence, you may not like it.  

Here's what I think is really going on. I am doing things others believe they can't. I have no fear in taking on the world with strength, determination, and resolve. Just because you can't doesn't mean I won't! 

I was recently labeled as over-confident, which I find to be both amusing and frustrating.

For years, I have been told I need to speak up more and to be proud of my good work. Over the last two years, I have done just that and what happens? I'm now over-confident. Let us explore this a bit, shall we?

I have never under-delivered. I am a clutch player in any scenario. I have met every goal and consistently have glowing performance evaluations. Why wouldn't I be confident in my abilities? I am really good at what I do! My pattern of behavior proves it if you don't want to take my word on it.  However, the pattern I have experienced below tells the true story of what women and people of color face as they display confidence. 

§  When I asked to take on more responsibility, I was cautioned about how doing so would impede my ability to be a good mother. 

§  When preparing to negotiate for a potential new job, my confidence in my list of negotiable items was coached down because I "didn't want to come off too demanding and risk losing the offer."

§  When I shared my goal timeline to complete my PhD with a faculty member, I was ultimately passed over for an opportunity because she didn’t think my goal was possible. If it took her longer to complete her degree as a full-time student, there was no way I could work full-time and complete my degree in a shorter time frame.

§  When sharing my recent experience sitting on a panel with senior student affairs officers, I was continually asked why I was chosen?...what was it about me?...what made me think I belonged there?

§  When sharing my confidence in my ability to deliver a strong presentation, I was labeled behind my back as over-confident.

I am not unique in my experiences. Incidents like this happen to women all the time. In the following video clip, an amazing athlete, is criticized for being "bragadocious" in her confidence to complete the task at hand:

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/kacy-catanzaro-american-ninja-warrior-dallas

So what do we do? The lesson here is that while being confident is essential, know that your being confident will not always be welcomed with open arms. Therefore it is equally essential to learn strategies to help you manage the moments you will face that will sting and make you wonder if you should continue to display your confidence. Find mentors who will teach you ways to continue your confidence regardless of what others think. Find sponsors who value the confidence you bring and will fight for you when you are not in the room. It is important to learn how to protect yourself against the many types of confidence critique out there so that your confidence is not derailed. We need you to remain hungry and to swing for the fence every time you are up to bat! 

Anne Stark