Good Girl, Bad Feminist?

Good Girl, Bad Feminist?

This summer, I transitioned into my first professional role. Leaving graduate school provided me with a great opportunity to build new relationships and my professional brand or image. Transitions are complicated for many reasons, with first impressions as one of the biggest challenges. On my first day, I immediately recognized that I am the youngest full time professional in my unit of 30 colleagues.

Later, after developing relationships, I asked one of my colleagues and friends about their first impression of me. They immediately responded that it was very clear I was a “good girl.” Their response was not meant to demean or marginalize me; but their response bothered me. I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about being called a “good girl.” I understand the many ways the label is problematic – calling women girls, reinforcing the good vs. bad binary, defining women in terms of patriarchal standards, the list goes on; but I struggled to understand why the label bothered me.

In many ways, I fit the “good girl” image. I show up as a young, white, woman. I often dress in ways that are still considered typically “feminine” and “professional” (we could spend a lot of time unpacking those labels alone). I enjoy building relationships and am usually very bubbly, friendly, and outgoing, especially when I am meeting new people for the first time. At first, I may seem like a “people pleaser” – I seek to understand others’ perspectives, I value diverse voices and input, and I am very goal oriented. As I entered my new position and environment, I spent more time as a reserved, observant participant than I normally do. My first impression is further complicated by my age – I am 24, straight out of grad school, and I look young. I am conscious of the ways my appearance, actions, and demeanor sometimes align with society’s expectations (or unrealistic standards) of femininity. However, being called a “good girl” made me feel like I failed as a feminist.  

I am constantly developing as a feminist and social justice ally. I feel strongly about empowering and advocating for the voices and experiences of all people, including women. I believe that once people get to know me, they see feminist and social justice advocate as part of my identity. I utilize my role as an educator to support feminism and I strive to be a good friend, ally, and community member for my colleagues too. As a leadership educator, I am very critical of the intersectionality between gender (and race, age, identity) and leadership. Despite the increased prevalence of relational models of leadership that value traditionally “feminine” characteristics like collaboration, relationships, empowerment, and support; women still face challenges in the workplace – being taken seriously or being seen as “experts” or “authority figures.” The gender gap is increasingly complicated at the intersection of age, race, religion, sexual orientation, ability, and class. The “good girl” label made me feel like less than a professional. The “good girl” label made me feel like my hard work, education, and professional expertise were invisible because of how I perform my identities.

In many ways, the “good girl” label made me feel like I was a bad feminist (and not in the empowering way Roxane Gay talks about). The label temporarily took away any sense of empowerment I had. On one hand, I didn’t want to embody the critiques of “lipstick feminism” – where women undermine feminist efforts by trying to fulfill or live up to impossible standards of femininity. On the other hand, I strive to live by the notion that women should be empowered to live authentically and claim aspects of femininity as they see fit. Women’s appearances and performances of being are constantly policed by others, this sense of policing extends to professional image too.

As I continue to transition into my new role, I reflect on the intersection between personal and professional identity development. I strive to be known as a professional who advocates for students, as a professional who is passionate about leadership development, as a professional who utilizes my role to advocate for, include, and empower other experiences, and as somebody who is intelligent, reliable, friendly, and consistently produces high quality work. All of my professional goals co-exist with my identities and the way I show up in different spaces. Unfortunately, for many people their personal identities are challenged because they don't fit into society's unreasonable expectations of professional women. They are faced with the unique task of navigating their own identities professional success.

The “good girl” label does not hang over me like it once did. I do not plan to change how I show up – in terms of dress, personality, or appearance. I am confident in my abilities to succeed at work, to contribute to my office, division, and institution. However, this transition reminded me about my privilege. Not all women or feminists show up as “good girls,” but their experiences and perspectives should not be silenced or disregarded. The “good girl” image can allow me to be a feminist in a way that is authentic to me while still creating change - through conversations and relationships, in the way I build programs and services, in the way I supervise, in my writing, and beyond. In reading Meyerson’s (2008) Rocking the Boat: How to Effect Change Without Making Trouble, I am reminded to “rock the boat” in ways that are authentic and congruent for me. Overall, this transition helped me reflect on the diversity of feminism. Moving forward, I plan to further commit myself to feminism in all aspects of what I do, rather than changing my personality. I plan to continue to be a “good girl” and a “good” feminist.

References

Gay, R. (2015). Bad Feminist. Harper Collins.

Myerson, D.E (2008). Rocking the boat: How to effect change without making trouble. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Business Press.

Lauren Irwin

Coordinator, Center for Leadership and Service

California Polytechnic State University (Cal Poly), San Luis Obispo

lauren.irwin22@gmail.com | @Lauren_Irwin22