The Other Other - Part 1

A collection of journal entries written by an international student from Jamaica studying in the U.S.

By Krystal Lee

It’s hard being an “other.” But I would argue that it’s worse being “the other, other”. The other that is neatly tucked in with similar looking people, but always has difficulty relating to or being related to; understanding and being understood.

August 15, 2000

My name is Krystal. I’m the oldest of three girls and I’ve led a very sheltered life. I’m defined by my family. I’m not sure who I am without them. But this is a great opportunity. Nobody turns down a full scholarship to college in the US. This is an opportunity people would kill for! Maybe it’ll be like Saved by the Bell. That’s all I know about school in America. I’m very afraid but my parents say I’ll be fine. I hope they’re right.

August 20, 2000

My family just left. I watched them walk away from where I was standing in the dorm stairwell. I was waving but there’s some kind of film on the window so they couldn’t see me. They didn’t know I wanted them to wave back. Before they left, they cleaned my entire room. We put my brand new sheets on the bed and cleaned everything. The room smells like bleach. Everybody helped… even my sisters. I think I’ll miss my sisters the most.

August 29, 2000

This place is nothing like Saved by the Bell. There are so many simple things that I have to get used to. The girls dress in fancy clothes to go to class. The guys, not so much. And the cursing!! I have never heard this many curse words said out loud in public. And there are people who walk around barking like dogs. I have no idea why.

Today my suitemate asked me where I was from. I told her Jamaica. She said that was cool but she always laughs and points out my accent. She asked me when I learned to speak American. I was confused. We speak English in Jamaica. Just as they do in the US. Maybe she just made a mistake. I can’t figure out if she’s laughing at what I’m saying or how I’m saying it. It never occured to me that people wouldn’t be able to understand me when I spoke. What did I get myself into here?

Also, did you know that I’m considered a non-immigrant alien? ALIEN!! I’m an ALIEN! Honestly… America can do better.

August 30, 2000

I’m supposed to meet with my advisor but I can’t find him. I went into the building where his office should be and got lost. I wandered around for almost 90 minutes because I was afraid to ask someone for help. Everybody else seems like they know exactly what they’re doing and where they’re going. I’m so glad to finally be out of that maze. I came back to my room and thankfully my roommate isn’t in. I don’t want her to see me crying again.

September 20, 2000

Schoolwork here is easier than I expected. For a while I couldn’t understand. It’s like I’m in a perpetual review of material we did in high school. I did harder biology coursework in 11th grade! I’m missing something. I called my mom on MSN messenger but we couldn’t hear each other at all. I cried. I didn’t know who else to talk to or who could help. I think I’ll go to sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning.

October 17, 2000

I’m going to fail. I got all B’s at midterms and one teacher didn’t even enter a grade. I tried calculating my GPA based on these midterm grades but made a simple mistake which caused me to believe I was failing. I cried for three days before my international student advisor helped me figure out how to do it correctly. Thank God for him. I called my mom when I was stressing out about it and she said that she was tired of me being sad all the time and said I should pack my stuff, she’d get on a plane tomorrow and come get me. She said she’d rather me sit at home doing nothing than for me to be consistently and persistently crying and throwing up all the time. I could hear that she was super frustrated. Something clicked in me right then when I thought about going home. What would I do? If I can’t find a job and I can’t get into the University of the West Indies until next year, what would I do until then? Also, I’m on full scholarship! It would be insane for me to give this up. I called her back later tonight and told her that I decided to suck it up and stay. I can do this for 4 years. Then I’ll graduate and be on the next thing smoking, back to Jamaica land I love. That’s the plan. But now I can’t call my parents to comfort me anymore… that’s going to suck.

October 25, 2000

I threw up again today at breakfast. I don’t know why. I’m super hungry now because I ran out of all the food I brought with me from Jamaica. Maybe my cousin will take me to the supermarket this weekend. I still have some of the money my parents gave me but I have to make it last. I’m a little nervous about this. The exchange rate is so high and I don’t want to keep asking them for money. Maybe I should look for a job. I wonder if I can manage that? Last week my international student advisor got me a volunteer position in the counseling center because I was afraid to go back to my room by myself. I thought there was something in there… maybe a spirit. I know it sounds crazy. Anyway, he told me today that I can’t volunteer there anymore because of the privacy laws.

November 8, 2000

Why don’t people understand that being African American is super different than being Jamaican? Why do they think that international students are stuck up and cocky? It’s not my fault I get good grades. It’s not easy but that’s what I’m here to do. I just don’t understand the attitude.

November 22, 2000

I guess I’ll be alone for Thanksgiving. My aunt was supposed to come pick me up but she must have forgotten. They’re playing Air Force One on the campus movie channel. I like this movie. I’ve watched it three times already. It’s freezing outside. I don’t understand how some people are still wearing shorts and sandals outside. I’ve been wearing long johns for 6 weeks now! I don’t even want to walk over to the cafeteria. It’s so cold. I guess I can see what I can scrounge up around here… or maybe go to the vending machine. Sigh. Happy Thanksgiving!

November 30, 2000

Oh my goodness. It snowed last night. I had no idea what was happening. This white stuff just started hitting my window while I was at my computer. I was so scared that I shut everything down, closed the blinds, jumped into bed and cried myself to sleep. My eyes are all swollen and now I have to explain what happened when my roommate asks. The snow is really pretty. Everything is all white. I’m not sure my sneakers will work for walking through it though… I guess I need to get some boots maybe? How much is that going to cost?? This money isn’t going to last forever. Sigh. Please excuse me while I go cry some more.

December 15

I’m going home tomorrow! I can’t believe I made it through this semester. Luckily I can leave my stuff in my room over the Christmas break. I love Christmas at my house! I managed to get gifts for everybody at home. But the RA told us we’d have to move all our stuff out after next semester. I should start planning for that now because I don’t know where to put all this stuff.

To be continued....

About the Author: Krystal Lee was born and raised in Kingston, Jamaica and attended college at Morgan State University where she earned a B.S. in Information Science and Systems. Krystal went on to earn a Master’s in Public Administration (MPA) from the University of Delaware and a Doctorate in Education (Ed.D) from the University of Florida (Go Gators!). Upon completion of her doctoral program, Krystal joined the staff of her alma mater, Morgan State, in the Office of Residence Life & Housing. She then went on to serve as the Director of the Academic Enrichment Program, providing academic support for MSU students, developing leadership development programs, teaching online leadership classes and providing workshops on a variety of multicultural topics. Krystal currently serves as a Research Associate in the School of Public Health at Johns Hopkins University where she works with faculty to redesign their courses for the online environment. In her spare time, Krystal enjoys reading, swimming laughing with friends and watching reruns of Law and Order and The Closer.