The Other Other - Part 2 (Experiences of an International Student in the U.S.)

A collection of journal entries written by an international student from Jamaica studying in the U.S.

By Krystal Lee

Picture: Outside our residence hall on one of the first cold nights of Fall 2000. And by cold I mean maybe 72 degrees.

January 13

I’ve been crying for 4 days now. I have to go back to Baltimore tomorrow. I’m so scared. I thought I’d be over this homesickness right now. I’m not even sure why I’m crying. I haven’t even left yet! I just feel awful all the time. I know this is so hard and stressful on my parents because I cry every time I talk to them. It costs so much to call me. My dad bought me patties and bun and cheese and banana chips and Supligen to take back with me. That way I’ll have stuff in my room for breakfast because the food in the cafeteria still makes me throw up.

January 20

First day of Spring classes. It was good to see my roommate even though we already had a small disagreement. I missed her. I hope it’s not as bad as last semester. She’s tired of me crying all the time. I think at this point she goes from worried to amused back and forth whenever I cry. She has no idea. She has a brother here and she knows other students from Jamaica. Thankfully I’ve also made a couple friends…. Or rather, they made me. It makes me so nervous to talk to people. They may be making fun of the way I speak. I should just start talking more like them. I miss my sisters.

February 17

The homesickness is still terrible. I miss my family every day. I only cry every other day now from 9 - 10 am between my English and history classes when my roommate is out of the room. I have to change my major. I have no idea what’s going on in my computer science classes. Thank God for Keyon. She helps me figure things out but without her I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. Sigh. I’m definitely changing my major, but what will I change it to? I have no idea what I want to do.

My roommate really tried to make our room feel like home. She loves Strawberry Shortcake as evidenced by her curtains and matching bedspread.

March 20

I just got back from Spring Break in Florida. The way they do the school year here is so weird. We have 4 terms per academic year but they only have 2 semesters here. We hardly get any breaks so I was really looking forward to the vacation. I even got my FL driver’s license! We practiced driving my friend’s dad’s car around an empty part of the Sawgrass Mills parking lot. The test was so much easier than the driving test back home. All I had to do was drive around the parking lot, reverse and do a 3 point turn. I didn’t even have to parallel park or hill start. Plus, the car is an automatic so that made it even easier. We went “shopping” too. My friend bought stuff and I window shopped. Her dad has been so kind. He even gave me spending money! He reminds me of my dad and Uncle. I’m dreading going back to classes tomorrow.

April 3, 2000

I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That’s just great. Exactly what I need. I had to wait so long to meet with the psychiatrist. Apparently she only comes to campus one day per week. I can’t wait until summer…. There’s no place like home… there’s no place like home… there’s no place like home….

April 15, 2000

My homesickness is a lot better now. I haven’t cried in almost a week! But then I had a relapse today. My dad suggested that I think about staying in America and doing a Master’s Degree instead of coming straight home after undergrad. I literally lost it and immediately started crying. I want to be home! Maybe he makes a good point. There aren’t very many jobs back home. Three sets of my neighbours have migrated to Canada in the past year alone. I don’t know.

May 5, 2000

I actually had fun last night! Yesterday was the last day of classes and my roommate and suitemate literally dragged me out of bed and insisted I get dressed to go out with them. They even combed my hair! I’ve never been to a party like that before. It was so loud. We had to take a shuttle to get here and we almost missed the last one back to the residence hall [apparently they’re residence halls, not dorms although I don’t know what the difference is]. Anyway, the DJ played lots and lots of reggae and dancehall which I’m just getting to know. I never really listened to reggae when I was home. People always look at me strangely when I say that. It’s like they have this idea that Jamaicans all live on the beach and drink coconut water while dancing the “bogle” or “butterfly”. It’s so weird. The other day someone asked me how come my last name was Lee and I wasn’t Chinese. She was pretty confused by that but it blew her mind to find out that there were descendants of European, Chinese and Indian people born and raised in Jamaica. Folks in America know way less about the rest of the world than I thought. Anyway, I have to start packing because I have to move my stuff out of this room when the semester ends. I’m so excited to be going home in a few weeks. My dad arranged for me to have a job at a travel agency this summer. This is my first real job. Hopefully it goes well.

11 years later…..

May 15, 2011

My internship started today. It’s a minor miracle in itself! I had no idea it would be so hard to find a job. I thought once I had my doctoral degree, surely, someone would hire me! But it seems that I’ve educated myself out of the job market [out of the dating pool as well if I’m honest… but I digress]. I’m so tired of hearing that employers aren’t willing to file for my work permit! The USA has invested so much in me, you’d think they’d want to reap some of the rewards. I’m also sick of people saying “aren’t you a citizen yet? Why don’t you apply for your citizenship?” Don’t you think I would if I could?? Honestly, Americans are completely ignorant of what their immigration policy allows [or doesn’t allow]. Worst case scenario I guess I’ll go back to Jamaica… move back in with my parents and sisters… I miss them.

August 8, 2011

I can’t believe that I’ll graduate with my doctoral degree today. It’s been such a long road but this was the goal. This is what I’ve been working towards for the last 11 years. It was a wild ride but God has been kind. He’s always provided for my needs and even a few wants. He’s allowed me to meet people along the way who have taught and nurtured me and helped me become the person I am today. I’m so grateful. God bless them all.

* * *

For the past 18 years I have been a non-immigrant alien in the United States. THAT IS MY CLASSIFICATION: NON-IMMIGRANT ALIEN. That sounds malignant! Like something strange and unwanted. Carrying the burden of this label is exhausting. Nothing is simple, there are extra hoops to jump through and there are VERY few people who have answers to my very unique questions. This is an easy area for future student affairs professionals (SAPs) to do what we do best. Providing adequate support for international students requires much more than someone to create and endorse their travel documents. We need people who understand or are at least aware of the specific challenges that international students face. We need guidance and support as we navigate our new reality. I had a particularly difficult time due to severe homesickness. I didn’t know how to help myself and nobody else around me knew how to help me either. I urge future professionals to lead with compassion and make a little extra effort with the international students that they interact or work with. They may not need it, but if they do, it will make a world of difference.

As an international student, I felt a sense of placelessness. I clearly wasn’t American, though I was often assumed to be African American until I opened my mouth to speak. The longer I stayed in school, the less I felt like I had a place back home. I could have used someone to help me process these feelings. In order to assist incoming international students at my current institution, our department created a part time international student coordinator position within Residence Life and Housing. This coordinator creates welcome programs, housing orientation sessions, a monthly newsletter and serves as a point of contact for campus resource referrals and is a good first step.

The best advice I could give to fellow international folks is to take it one day at a time. If that seems overwhelming, take it one hour at a time, or one minute at a time, or one class session at a time. It’s so easy to feel inundated by ALL the things that international students have to do, by all the criteria we have to meet. We must follow the rules precisely, or risk losing our scholarships; the threat of falling “out of status” always hanging over our heads. This is a pressure to which a US Citizen cannot relate. International students are often minorities within a minority and it can be difficult, for others who don’t share the experience, to see them. I only made it because I was blessed to meet helpful and compassionate SAPs, who looked past my tears and misery and helped me to explore my potential. These days, I try lead from a place of empathy and compassion to be what my students need me to be, to help them get through their own struggles.

Mine were not isolated problems, they are systemic and continuing. And they would have been worse if English was not my first language! Many of the gaps in services that I experienced are still a problem for international students today. We should not be relying on individual SAPs to bridge these gaps. To do so, we must start, as always, with the students. We need to talk to international students to find out their needs, the areas we fall short in, and we need to dedicate resources to address these challenges. There are hundreds of thousands of international students in the country, many of whom come from different cultures, are half way across the globe and have a different native tongue. They need our help, it is our responsibility to do better by them.

About the Author: Krystal Lee was born and raised in Kingston, Jamaica and attended college at Morgan State University where she earned a B.S. in Information Science and Systems. Krystal went on to earn a Master’s in Public Administration (MPA) from the University of Delaware and a Doctorate in Education (Ed.D) from the University of Florida (Go Gators!). Upon completion of her doctoral program, Krystal joined the staff of her alma mater, Morgan State, in the Office of Residence Life & Housing. She then went on to serve as the Director of the Academic Enrichment Program, providing academic support for MSU students, developing leadership development programs, teaching online leadership classes and providing workshops on a variety of multicultural topics. Krystal currently serves as a Research Associate in the School of Public Health at Johns Hopkins University where she works with faculty to redesign their courses for the online environment. In her spare time, Krystal enjoys reading, swimming laughing with friends and watching reruns of Law and Order and The Closer.