No Regrets

My time as an international graduate student specializing in higher education student affairs was a tough one. Being an international student in this field already put me at a disadvantage because student affairs is an American concept and the language used in this field was one that I was interested in but extremely unfamiliar with. On top of that, I chose to study at a private institution. That meant, as an international student and an Asian from Asia, I was putting myself in a situation that would be a root cause of my feelings of loneliness. Two years later and a month into my full-time employment post graduation, the struggle continues but not as intensely. Everything was worth it, and I will explain why.

One may ask, why did you apply to a private institution if you knew that most of them were predominantly white campuses? Well, to be completely honest, I didn’t know that. From K through 12, I attended international schools in Hong Kong so that my Japanese mother, who did not speak Cantonese but spoke English pretty fluently, could be more involved in my schooling. International schools are private institutions abroad that offer a Westernized curriculum like the British A-Levels or International Baccalaureates to expatriate and local families. The most important characteristic of international schools, as the name shows, is that they are international. Teachers hailed from cities all over the world and so did students. To me, my race and ethnicity did not matter much because everyone’s cultural background was unique, yet not surprising. In short, I thought I would find myself in the same situation when I came to the U.S. for my graduate program.

Despite common notions that international students come from wealthy families, I came with limited funding and lived on a budget. Young students starred as I drove my purple Honda Civic, which I named “Eggplant”, on campus. In comparison to the newer Honda Civics, BMWs, and even Teslas on campus, my Eggplant looked out of place. I never locked my car on campus because I knew no one would even want to steal my car! That’s how rickety my car looks! I couldn’t care less anymore though; now that I work at a public institution, Eggplant looks just fine! What’s important is that I am working toward improvement. Not just an upgrade in my car per se, but in life. I feel more at ease at a public institution because I feel that drive more in students and even among staff – the drive to persist through hardships and strive toward excellence. Now, this is not to be confused as a criticism against private institutions and the people in it; it is purely my observation and how I feel. I must say, I also had tons of positive experiences studying and working at a private institution.

Some of my positive experiences are also “blessing-in-disguise” realizations. I had applied for the Graduate Assistantship at the Office of International Students & Scholars (OISS) after I failed to obtain an assistantship at the offices I had initially applied for. Due to my status and identity, the OISS and the international community naturally became my home away from home. When I was disturbed by my classmates making remarks about my “good English”, when I was financially at a low because being international meant that I could only work for a maximum of 20 hours per week and only on campus, or when I felt invisible because I couldn’t participate in conversations on what it was like to be a first-generation Asian-American college student, I had a community that was there to nod at everything I had to say and share similar stories as well. These were the moments when I truly realized the importance of community. Community, sense of belonging, validation, identity, race, privilege, and all the other common vocabulary that we use as student affairs professionals started to make sense to me because of my experiences of being a minority (in many ways, not just racially) and having a community to go to. This is why, as cliché as it sounds, I want to pursue positions within higher education that serve international students who appreciate the liberal and inspiring education that can be found in America and support these students through their cultural and academic transition.

Another positive element of studying and training at a private institution definitely has to do with the size of the campus and the number of people. Had I been a graduate student in a public institution, I am not sure that I would have been able to create as many meaningful and intimate relationships with people beyond my immediate circle of classmates and coworkers. At one point while I was job hunting, my friend told me that I was the “networking queen”. While I don’t see myself as being extremely capable in networking, I must say that being at a private institution helped me build the confidence to “put myself out there”, identify who to trust and who to keep at an arm’s length. I imagine that at a public institution, one would have many more trial and errors than I have had at a private institution to establish trust and collaborations with others.

So, despite my time in my graduate program starting off rough and lonely, my reflection on my experiences tells me that it was all worth it! I now work at a public institution with a larger population of international undergraduate students. As a full-time employee on an one-year OPT in a position focusing on international student success (a topic that is increasingly talked about but, in my opinion, not enough), I have new sets of problems to face. Despite the challenges that I anticipate, I am hopeful that the intrapersonal skills I learned during my program and my passion will help me go far.

Bianca Chau was born and raised in Hong Kong by her Chinese father and Japanese mother. She completed her Bachelor’s in Social Science at the Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). During her undergraduate studies, she participated in the University of California Exchange Abroad Program (UCEAP) and spent a quarter at the University of California (UC) Davis. Her time at UC Davis greatly shaped her views on the world and contributed to her realization of wanting to work in the field of education. After graduating from CUHK, Bianca spent three years in Beijing, China, recruiting middle and high school students at an international school. Although loving her job in admissions, she wanted to see students develop and because of her positive experiences at UC Davis, she decided that she wanted to work with college students and help them find ways to maximize their time and opportunities before fully immersing themselves in society. Bianca found the MA in Higher Education Leadership program at the University of San Diego, worked as a Graduate Assistant at the Office of International Students & Scholars, and graduated from the program in May 2018. She is currently on her OPT at the San Diego State University as an International Student Success Coordinator.