Silence: The Enemy of Progress

I was part of a recent discussion regarding sexual assaults that have occurred on my campus.  When I hear and see these issues that keep happening in communities and college campuses, my heart hurts and I am frustrated.  Frustrated because these issues keep happening, and I have to wonder, where are the men, en masse, in these discussions? Where is my place in these discussions on how to dismantle these visible components of rape culture?  I, like many men, can be disengaged or even silent. This silence is allowing for events such as the following to continue happening on our campuses:

•  In May 2013, four Morehouse College athletes were arrested for two separate sexual assaults (Finley, 2013).
• USC is currently under investigation by the Office of Civil Rights (OCR) for allegations made by students accusing the school of mishandling 16 rape and sexual assault cases (Camero, 2013).
• [Sexual assault survivors] claim that [University of North Carolina—Chapel Hill] often acts as though no assault has taken place, protecting alleged rapists while victimizing students and disenfranchising assault survivor advocates (Kingkade, 2013).
• A group of students filed a federal complaint against Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania that claims the private liberal arts school is underreporting sexual violence on campus and discourages [survivors] from reporting (Kingkade, 2013).

Many of us sit back and purport blatant lies that silence survivors of sexual assault.  We don’t believe sexual assault survivors; instead we rationalize the rapist experience.  We don’t listen to them or understand the severity of the situation.  We ostracize them by shrugging off what happened.  We blame survivors.  Those actions are ways we silence survivors by not saying a thing.  Why do we choose silence?  I suspect, it’s easier to deny an issue than to give it life.  By remaining silent on these issues, it gives us an out.  If we acknowledge that there are horrific actions happening on our campus, we are complicit in its prevalence, but by remaining silent we don’t have to acknowledge the sad realities occurring on our campuses.

• 84% of college men who committed rape said that what they did was definitely not rape.
• Nearly one third of college men said they were likely to have sex with an unwilling partner if they thought they could get away with it.
• 5% of college women who were raped report the rape to the police.

Caroline Kitchener, in an August 23, 2013 article in The Atlantic, states, “At college, a [survivor] is hardly ever a stranger. He's that guy in your 12-person English seminar, or the Vice-President of the fraternity you party with. Almost a third are a "close friend" of the [survivor]. 41 percent of the time, the perpetrator is the [survivor’s] boyfriend…Often, the [survivor] does not report the assault because she's either afraid of ruining the guy's life, or of the stigma and social isolation she will feel if she does.”  Hong (2010) asserts “the vast majority of institutions of higher education fail to target college men meaningfully in primary prevention efforts.”  Collegiate efforts are centered on risk-reduction and self-defense for women, focusing on environmental factors such as campus call boxes, or offer survivor-advocacy programs; however, the reality is that these programs are (a) not a viable form of prevention, and (b) are prescriptive of the symptom (not the cause) of sexual assaults (Hong, 2010, p. 277).  Our programs are not treating the cause of sexual assaults on our college campuses:  OUR COLLEGE MEN.  Again, we remain silent.

• Talk to your college men about healthy relationships.  What does it mean to be in a healthy, equitable, and supportive relationship?  How do they know that they are in a healthy, supportive, communicative relationship?
• Engage your college men on what CONSENT truly means.  Do they understand when they have consent?  Do they understand how to ask for consent?  Are they even comfortable asking for consent (If no, then are they truly emotionally ready to engage in sexual activity)?  Do they understand what consent isn’t?
• Connect your student leaders with resources.  Give them opportunities to connect with university administrators, clubs, or other resources that can offer support to survivors of sexual assault. 

a.     Resources include (but not limited to): 

• Connect with your coworkers—particularly the men—on ways that you can work to create a safer environment in your working departments.  This dialogue is important and missing.
• Connect with your coworkers on ways that you can work to create spaces in which students and coworkers feel safe to share their stories and experiences.  
• Above all else:  SPEAK UP.  BREAK THE SILENCE.